You Can Live a Healthy Lifestyle

When I came out as gay to my mom at 17 years old, she gave me a talk about the birds and the bees. She told me to not always tell people about being gay because they may not understand, and she warned me about contracting HIV. Her perspective was that, once you contract HIV, you die.

I found out I contracted HIV in the year 2016. I was dating someone, and we didn’t live in the same city. I was in school, and we were going through rough patches in our relationship. I started stepping outside of our relationship, and I found out I was living with HIV around Valentine's Day.

I remember being in the doctor's office and the doctor did not make me feel safe with the diagnosis. He notified me of my status, gave me resources and that was it. I was wondering if it was a death sentence and if I should start taking more risks because of it. It wasn’t until I found out about Ryan White and ADAP (AIDS Drug Assistance Program) that I learned that is not the case.

I was the poster child for safe sex. I used condoms a lot, so I was flabbergasted when I found out I had contracted it. My boyfriend and I decided to stay together. He got on PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis), I got on ART (antiretroviral therapy), and we used protection. Once my boyfriend and I stopped talking, I was nervous to tell people I had HIV because the person who gave it to me didn’t tell me. I didn’t know how open and receptive people were to people who have HIV. I held that mindset for a while, until 2020.

If people didn’t want to be with me after finding out my status, I had to respect their boundaries. I started putting that I was undetectable on my dating profiles. People who were negative were asking me questions, and I was able to give them information on HIV. You cannot transmit HIV if you are undetectable, so I was able to tell them this.

I started being more open about my status when I gained an awareness that the choice was taken away from me when I was diagnosed, and I didn’t want to take anyone else's choice away. My mom knows my status now, and I told her that I will not die if I take my medication as prescribed. My mom sees that I’m healthy, so she's grown to understand that she doesn’t need to worry. I go to my doctor's appointments and take my medicine. The world is more accepting today. Science is always advancing. It no longer is a death sentence. If you go to the doctor, and take your meds, you have nothing to worry about. You can live a healthy lifestyle. I feel better about myself than I ever have because of the healthier decisions I make. There’s nothing to fear.