Putting Myself First

When I was in active addiction, I was having sexual intercourse with men in exchange for drugs. I honestly would have done anything to get my next high. I don’t think I identify as gay or bisexual, it’s just part of the drug world. A lot of people do sex work. Meth was my drug of choice, so hooking up with guys that were also using became my world. I definitely wasn’t using protection for oral sex. There were probably times when I wasn’t using protection for anal sex either. That period of my life is a blur these days. When you’re getting high and not sleeping or eating for days at a time, you forget a lot. My sexual health and keeping myself protected were not a priority for me during that time.

I have been sober for over a year now. When I got sober, I went to a drug treatment program, and I was tested for HIV and STIs there. All my results were non-reactive, even though I engaged in risky behaviors for a long time. I probably went a year without getting tested before getting sober. I couldn’t tell you how many sexual partners I had in that year. Getting sober helped me to see how I was hurting my body in so many ways for years. I am worth more than that, and the life I live now shows that.

Now that I’m sober, I can holistically focus on my health. Part of this means getting tested. It doesn’t matter how many partners I choose to have. What matters is that I am using protection, getting tested, and communicating about my health with my partners. I still meet people on dating apps like I did in active addiction. The difference is now I communicate my wants and needs. If they aren’t willing to get tested and show me their test results, then I don’t have sex with them. I have to prioritize myself. Putting myself first in all areas of my life, after my Higher Power, allows me to maintain my sobriety. I get tested before and after every new partner now, and it’s the best decision for me. Getting tested is free, only takes 30 minutes, and the pain is minimal. It’s a no-brainer; just do it!