Know Your Worth

By Cayetana Maria Cruz-Dona

Hi, my name is Cayetana Maria Cruz-Dona. I was born Matthew Steven Dona on November 191984 at 10:30 A.M. in Detroit, Michigan.

I came from a painful, broken, abusive home and background. A child of the streets, foster system and abandonment that drove me for so many years. A life of fighting, running and survival. I developed patters and reactions that were protective and served a purpose. Growing up,  I was on the streets more than I was at home. It felt safer to be in danger. This thinking led me to some dark and dangerous places. I hurt a lot of people along the way, never settling in one place for to long.

Florida was the place I landed longest, staying there for 10 years. I have been fighting a 15 year battle. It is the hardest battle in my life and  don’t want it to win. Drug addiction to meth, crystal, crank, glass-doesn’t matter what you call it. It’s a bitch. Fifteen years of my life repeatedly relapsing. It took me a long time to get clean. I have 5 years clean and sober. I had years in between but wanting to live really sparked that change for me. The last time I used, I was losing my mind. And I signed over my health rights to my partner at the time because I did not know if I was going to come out of my psychosis. That scared the living shit out of me, I had somebody else controlling my health decisions.

I choose to fight for my life and try to achieve greatness. A need addiction if you can call it that. A need to repay my debt. I choose to accept good and bad. I choose to know my worth, to tell myself I am worth love, happiness, peace, serenity, stability, hopes and dreams. I want something different than what I've known and everybody saying that I was crazy. Saying that I'm a mess. I want to live. I want to be able to live life and not give a crap anymore. Everything that we put ourselves through, I just don’t want to do it anymore. I want to say, now that I'm sober and embracing who I am, I feel stronger than ever. I have faith finally. When I've been able to open up and be who I am and others see that, they've given me strength as well.

I deserve to explore my passions, my true self.

I deserve to give myself a break.

Life is not over. LIVE IT!

I was a sex worker, but yet got lost in the money it brought me. The drugs were enticing. The fantasy.

Now I am SET FREE! You can too!